A puma is on the loose in Auxientia. Zoo officials downplayed the danger when pressed by reporters, saying the situation was well in hand and they had every confidence that the wild beast would be reclaimed without serious incident or loss of human life.
Zoo keeper Aldo Minsk warned citizens to be on the lookout for, “a black cat. He answers to the name Puma. He enjoys taking catnaps in the sun. Hard to say whether or not he’s a killer… mice maybe? He’s interested in birds, I guess? I think there’s been some sort of misunderstanding here. He’s not actually… Look, we just want Puma back.”
Minsk added that the creature often answers to a special call the zoo keepers have discovered which may be used to summon the beast, “Pspspsps.” However, it is the opinion of this Observer reporter that it is a method best left to the brave, professional zookeepers who put their lives at stake with every puma interaction.
